i haven't been sleeping well lately. correction, i haven't been sleeping much lately. it's not that i'm not home early enough to go to bed at a decent time. nor do i have so many pressing things to take care of to keep me busy all night and morning. i'm demented; sometimes, i actually make the choice to stay up when i am tired, exhausted. even after a night out when i get home after 3am, i have been known to stay up an extra hour and a half to dick around online or watch scrubs. i was up watching episode after episode of scrubs (yeah, i'm a little obsessed right now) the other night when it finally dawned on me why i torture myself night after night. i don't like sleeping alone. when i finally give in and curl up in my bed, the pillow between my knees offers little comfort. but, i clutch it anyway. pretending it's a warm body, one with big cozy arms that wrap around me, stroking my hair, soothing me to sleep...
it's 1:20am, my eyes are drooping and my head hurts, i'm still blogging. i have an illness. wait, i don't need anyone. i'm an independent woman now. i should be basking in the freedom of my drama-less, relationship-less life. right? no. i crave companionship. not sex. i just want someone to curl up with. someone that doesn't want sex from me - i can't handle that kind of pressure now. cuddle buddy? is it only a myth? *sigh* i give up...where's my pillow?
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