3-in-1

number 1. my coworker is studying for his qualifying exams to get into nursing school after having been out of school for 10 years. he was working on some simple algebra problems and asked for help. i reminded him of some math properties. then i was stumped. simplify: (3x^3+10x^2-7x+4)/(x+4). yeah, stumped. i remember doing these types of problems. i remember knowing how. i knew i was supposed to factor out (x+4) from (3x...+4). but how?! the answer made complete sense. but how did you get to it? show your work. it is an immensely frustrating feeling to know that i am incapable of simple algebra. i should get some math workbooks.

number 2. i got my first complaint as a server tonight. funny story actually. the restaurant was empty. lady with her beau wants to sit at a certain table. a couple had just left the table with spillage, crumbs, and smeared grease. the person trying to seat them tells them that the table is dirty. we'll sit here. (maybe they didn't hear) the table is dirty ma'am, how about one of the (15 other) clean tables? no, it's fine, we'll sit here. alright, go ahead. the seater walks away with menace in his eyes. witnessing all of this, i go to the table armed with heavy duty restaurant grade cleaner in a spray bottle and a dirty rag. hi folks, this table is dirty, i'll clean it. uhm, let me get up, i feel like i'm being sprayed, says now irritated lady. i have never cleaned a table so deliberately. i wiped under each condiment one by one. i scrubbed her seat with my dirty rag. she sat. i brought them 2 glasses of wine. 20 minutes after they'd left, my manager gets a phone call. i had an asian server tonight and she was quite rude. she sprayed me when she was cleaning the table and didn't apologize. we won't be coming back. the person who had tried so hard to seat them at a clean table was my manager. it took all of his will not to tell the lady to go fuck herself. we all had a great laugh about that.

number 3. tourists and foreigners are horrible tippers. every server dreads the table that is armed with backpacks and maps. the one that doesn't speak english or does so with an accent. you expect around 10%. 15% is absolute minimum. english couple seat themselves at my table. could have been swiss. not much talking. mostly smooching. $25 tab. guy hands me a $50 bill. i bring them small bills for easy tipping. they hand their gratuity to me on their way out. woohoo! a whopping $1.50. i gave the guy singles and one quarter for change. it took effort to tip me just over 5%. he had to work into his tight ass pants to find another quarter. pick up any lonely planet or guide to wherever. tipping customs are described in the frist 5 pages. read, monkeys. restaurant ettiquette should be taught in high school. there is most definitely proper and improper behaviors while dining in a restaurant. when a server asks how are you? do not answer with diet coke. we fake it enough to ask how you are. the least a diner can do is answer the damn question.